Welcome, welcome! Thanks for taking the time to read about our crazy, fun life. Look around to learn about us, our adoption story, or to find out how to contact us. Feel free to make comments (LOVE comments). We do have the comment moderator on, so if you want it private, just say so. Also, we have pass along cards. If you'd like some, just let us know! Thanks again and happy reading!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Guest blogger- Dad Payne

No, I have not fallen off the face of the planet. We went out of town for Thanksgiving (yes, that post is coming), I got sick, and yeah. Anyway~ our next guest blogger is Dad Payne. He's been such a great example to us! He's true a man to look up to. Thanks so much for doing the Dad! We did ask others to write and we're still waiting to get theirs. I'll post them when we get it. Anyway~ enjoy!

taken at our wedding- Dec. 2006. Totally "like father, like son", don't you think?

True Joys of Life

Adjacent to my office at work is a 35 year old young lady. She is a buyer and handles million dollar transactions on a regular basis. I would describe her as being very confident, self-assured and professional. She spends long hours at work and receives much praise from co-workers. Outside of work she can be found training horses. She absolutely loves it. She appears to be happy, but I can honestly say I feel sorry for her because she is so busy climbing the corporate ladder she has no time for the greatest joys in life, KIDS!

Being the father of ten kids, my greatest moments of happiness and deepest sorrows are all bundled up in a package I call joy. Kris and I are thrilled to the bone to listen to our girls sing. Jeni and Krystal continue to uplift and inspire the hearts of our church friends and families as they lift their voices to heaven with the voices of angles. Only one percent of all Boy Scouts become Eagle Scouts. Five of our eight sons have climbed the summit of this mountain with the other close to the peak. On the spiritual side of the house, six of our sons have chosen to serve God for two years at their own time and expense. They have all been successful to bring souls to God in Nebraska, Kosrae (Sm. Pacific Island), San Diego, Brazil, Peru, Massachusetts. All of our sons are worthy priesthood holders. Jeni continues to shine as she shapes and molds the hearts of three of our grandkids. Speaking of grandkids we have been blessed with 12 wonderful souls with two more on the way. If I had known how wonderful grandkids were we would have just skipped the kid phase (they are great, all the fun and no work). All of our married kids (7) chose to start their marriage in God’s holy temple for time and all eternity. All of the grandkids are sealed to them since they were born in the covenant.

I am not here to tell you that life is without bumps and dips. However, with the prayer and support of family, teachers and friends we are able to rise one more time then we fall. The Payne’s are not quitters and with the help of God they will succeed. All of our kids come from a long line of love and will pass on, to the next generation, this Legacy of Love. I hope Jared and Devin will be given the opportunity to pass on to their adopted children this Legacy of Love. I can honestly tell you that the grandparents wait with open arms to embrace these new family members, for they represent the True Joys of Life.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Guest blogger- Anna

Our next guest blogger is one of my older sisters, Anna. I was so excited when she volunteered to do this! My sisters and I have talked about when I adopt... but we never talked about what adoption means. It was great to read her thoughts. Thank you Anna! Love you!!!

I don't know what year, but this was one of her birthdays

I remember when I was about nine years old and watching my mother give Devin a shot. Sometimes this shot would be in her leg or arm or butt. Almost never in her belly; and while the stomach is the best place to get a shot Devin hated having it done there because she couldn't stand seeing the needle going into herself. One time (and i don't remember who asked) one of us kids asked my mom, why she flicks the needle, turns it upside down and pushes the bubble out. She said because if she left the bubble in the needle then Devin could get a bubble in her butt and that would not be good. Hence why Devin has the nickname Bubble Butt.

I do not remember a time when i didn't know that Devin couldn't have kids. It was just a fact of life. My mom was always straight forth and honest with any questions that we had. Like why Devin got shots every day, why she was so much shorter, what are all the docotrs appointments for and why is she so happy that her bones are eight years old now. Shes ten!
I always knew it was because she had turners syndrome. I never fully understood what turners syndrome was; and even today while I can tell you what it is, and what some of the symptoms are, I don't think I fully understand it completely.
One of the biggest effects of turners syndrome is that the woman can not ever have any kids; her ovaries don't ever develop. Growing up we like to tell Devin that she as lucky she couldn't have kids because she never had to get fat, and she got to pick her kids and she could have the black baby girl that we always wanted! (we love pouffy hair in my family)

It was never a question if Devin was going to adopt, it was when and what kind of baby she is going to get! All of her sisters voted for her to have a little black girl, and her mother would always say that she tought Devin should have a little Asian baby; and my father a Hispanic one. (we want a family of color lol)
That was our own sadistic way of trying to make Devin feel better on those occasional days when you could see she was having a hard time with not being able to have a baby. Devin never felt like she was allowed to cry over it, she never thought that she was allowed to be sad about it, or even mourn. She always put on a brave face, she never cursed the Lord or got mad at anyone else over it. Because of that, she is one of the strongest women I know for having the faith that one day god will give her and Jared a baby. Jared is a strong man for going into a marriage knowing that he can never have his own natural children. Most men wouldn't. Any baby they get is going to be so lucky to have them as parents. Even if Jared does wear the silly toe shoes.

Adoption to me is just one of Gods many miracles. Its his way of being able to turn a storm cloud for one family into a rainbow for another.
Like Jared's mom said 'placing your baby up for adoption is one of the most selfless act someone could do' I agree. It pains me to watch Devin as she try to put on a brave face when another one of her friends or family member get pregnant and has another baby. Devin was born a mom. She was the mother of Melissa and I growing up. She always is taking care of everyone else and thinks of herself last.
A mother is not someone that gave birth. A mother wipes the tears when they fall. She is up with her children all night when they are sick. She cries for them when they are hurt and cries when they succeed. A mother is a selfless person who puts the needs of her children before her own. Devin has been a mother and grew up in a family who's love is unconditional.
We never doubted that our mother loved us; and I know Devin and Jared's children will never doubt that they love them.
I pray everyday that Devin and Jared will get a baby of their own; and I know without a doubt that they will. I found this poem while cruzing the internet and I think it puts the pain that a soon to be mom feels about waiting to become the new mom.

I’m pregnant but my tummy isn’t showing,
And no one ever calls me “little mom”.
My neighbours simply aren’t overflowing
With questions that I’d handle with aplomb.
There are no special clothes to mark my waiting.
Nobody stops and smile as I pass by.
The absence of a due date is frustrating,
And looking at the nursery makes me cry.
When I’m “overdue”, no one will worry.
The phone won’t ring and ring as friends check in.
I can’t induce my labor in a hurry,
My new life as a parent to begin.
Adoption is a wearisome endeavour,
And waiting all alone is not much fun.
To be “with child” a year seems like forever …
Dear God, we’re ready: please send us our baby.

Thank you so much Devin for letting me be apart of adoption month on your blog. I never had the chance to sit down and think about how i truly felt about adoption. You are an amazing woman and Jared is great too. You are lucky to have found him. I can not wait for you to be blessed with your own child, and I can't wait to be her (I love boys but we need more girls!) favorite aunt.

Because we all know that I am the favorite :-)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Guest blogger- Mom Payne

So as promised~ We have asked a couple of our family members to write down their feelings on adoption. Thank you family! Today is Mom Payne.

Jared and his mom at our wedding- Dec. 2006

I remember the anticipation of carrying a child while he developed. What a miracle! To think that I could eat and drink and in some miraculous way those elements were transformed into a real person. How I loved my child before he was born. New life, created within me!! A new person who would live, grow and have hopes and dreams of his own. I always hoped I would be enough and be wise enough to provide the kind of life and teachings that would help him live a good and righteous live that would lead him back to the arms of God.
I think most women feel the same, especially when they hold that new baby fresh from heaven. I believe placing child for adoption is the greatest act of love next to the atonement. It is an expression of unselfishness that says you love your child enough to seek his best interest.
This one decision will change so many lives. Certainly the life of the birth mother, who gave so much of herself to provide life for another, only to feel empty arms and heart, but hopefully a new beginning for her child and for herself. It would change the life of a new family- created by the sacrifice of another. But it will have the biggest impact on their own dear child. What a quest- to choose for your child, with the help of the Lord, the family with the power to help him reach his eternal potential. I admire and appreciate you who sacrifice so much.
From the other side of the fence, I would much rather endure morning sickness, being so fat you can’t see your feet (let alone tie your shoes), and labor and delivery – rather than endure the years of wanting, waiting, hoping and praying that you would be able to start a family. You know Jared and Devin must be told his brother’s family is expecting child number 5. And you know they will be torn. They want to be happy for them, and they are. But the pain of their own empty arms is renewed and they can’t help it- they also mourn as their wound is reopened once again. The inability of a happily married couple to start a family creates a void that cannot be filled with nieces, nephews, friends or pets. I see their good hearts and know what amazing parents they will be, if given the chance. Children adore them! Jared and Devin bring out joy in children.
I pray that their faith will be sustained as they continue to wait and dream. And I admire their determination to live life fully while they wait

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Cool way to inform- edited

EDITED! Please look at the note at the bottom

I was messing around on youtube and found this video. A grandma made it about her granddaughter that has turner syndrome. I thought this would be a fun way to get the facts about turners out there. Fun way for you guys to learn about why we can't have biological kids. I won't be offended at all if you don't want to watch it. I quite enjoyed it though. Jared thought it was long. If you'd like, you be the judge.

So~ it was brought to attention that I should probably clarify something about this video. All the information is correct~ as far as I know. What needs to be clarified and talked about is how severe my turners is. In just a couple words- it's NOT! :0) I am a little on the short side (side note: I'm actually tall for a woman with turners though. Most women with turners are about I believe 4'10"... I'm 5'1"). I do have a low hair line and my nails curve up if I let them grow out. I do have thyroid problems. That's an ongoing debate between Jared and I because- he thinks it's from the turners. I think it's from my family genetics. Here's my reasoning- I wasn't diagnosed with hypothyroidism until I was 19 almost 20. Reality is it could be a combo of genetics and turners. Anyway~ my MD does have me get an echo (an ultrasound of your heart) about every 5 years. I am on hormone replacement medication. That's about it though. I do not have diabetes, any heart problems, anything like that. I live a totally normal life-- other than I can't biologically create kids.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Jared felt like the last post I did, "Family", needed some modifications. Yeah, this is why I normally check with him before I post. lol Anyway~ just wanted to let you all know... Love to all!!!

Monday, November 15, 2010


Our thoughts are this... isn't a family a family? Despite skin color, hair, eye, genetics? Meaning... a family is someone who loves and cares about each other. A family is a group of people that will always be there for you. I don't think it matters how a child comes into your home or what origin the child has... gentically, race, etc.... The important thing is that they are your child, you love them, care for them, and do your best to raise them the way you feel is right. Hope I made my point. If not... there's two ways to go about it... one is ask me! :0) Second is... my friend recently posted about the same type of thing. I feel like she took words right out of my mouth. Here's the posting if you'd like to read her thoughts. OH! She also talks about her daughter having two mommies and being honored to share the title of mom with her daughter's birth mom. Yeah, I feel the exact same way as she does. I can't wait to share the title of mom... when it's the right time. Read the posting to understand. lol Sorry! Anyway~ I have a recently heard of a couple of stories that made me feel sad. I would like to comment on them.

1) A friend of mine adopted her first and had a few children biologically after. She told me a story about when her and her husband decided to adopt... one set of parents were upset! They didn't want this sweet couple to adopt. Even to this day (which the adoption was 13 years ago) this grandma will refer to the adoptee as "my adopted grandchild". I'm sorry, but that is just heart breaking. Consequently, this adoptee has issues being with this grandparent. Which is sad grandparents are the best!

I'm so glad both sides of our family are so excited, willing, and accepting of our adopting. They constantly are asking how things are going to which we reply frustratingly slow. Jared’s side of the family is very welcoming of people into their home. There are people who live by them who are family. They may not have been adopted but are invited to family functions. My family is also very accepting and excited for us to adopt. Seems like they've always talked about the day we'd be placed and get to adopt. I'm hoping to get some of them to do a guest post... so keep coming back to read their thoughts. We happy to have such a welcoming family where our children will just be part of the family.

2) I was recently also told about a teenager in the foster care system. This teenager kept running away from foster families because the teenager just wanted to be adopted by someone of her own race. Don't get me wrong, this teenager has the right to choose what type of family they belong too. There must be a feeling of belonging when you actually look and act like the rest of your family. I once read a story about an African American girl who was adopted by a white family. She loved her family but struggled with some simple things. For example her mother could not help her much with her hair. The texture was just so different that there was not much common ground on this topic. It was hard for her to talk about these things with her Mom. I can't say there are not issues with inter racial adoptions but for me race and whatever doesn't matter in the long run. We will be a family because we care for each other and that is enough for me.

We love adoption and look forward to accepting who comes into our home with open arms and overflowing hearts.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Jared's weekly post

Little things are what makes life what it is. I was looking at this past week and became grateful for the life I have. Much of my evenings are spent just running errands with Devin. We do not do much. We go grocery shopping or go on a walk but mainly I just hang with Devin. I love being with Devin, and for some strange reason she spends her time wondering when I will get home so she can be cuddled. Now I am much obliged to take my wife in my arms and hold her, but some times she tries to pick inconvenient times. For example today I was making an Alfredo sauce for dinner and Devin wanted to be held. This may not seem bad but if you stop stirring Alfredo it burns and clumps. I was happy to turn a blind eye for a few seconds but at the time it was all I could spare. My favorite little thing is having Devin in my arms and Devin’s favorite little thing is being in my arms. That makes being together wonderful. Many times in life we look for the next big thing to help us be happier. The next thing is all this is missing from our life. The next car, the next house, the next paycheck. In reality there are always little things we have that make all the difference. Every day I am grateful for my wonderful wife and all that she does to make our lives better.
I normally do not put dates in the family letter but this week was a very fun date. We went to a football game. It was a middle school game. I had some boys playing and it sounded like something fun to do. We got bundled up and headed out. Boy does Devin come prepared to a game. She had her coat, sitting pads, and not 1, not 2, but 3 blankets. I was a little surprised she had a plan for each but she did not get very cold. She gives credit to the blankets for that. The game ended up being the championship game for the boys. They had played the other team twice before this season and lost both times. The other team did not even know what it was to loose since they had not done it all season. Our boys did their best and pulled off a 7-6 victory. Everyone went wild. I had not been to a game in years and it really was fun to cheer on the boys to victory.
This week we prepared for the parent’s favorite sacrament meeting of the year, the primary program. Saturday we went to the practice and boy was that fun. I started out in my designated position on the stand sitting on the piano bench next to Devin. I like sitting there. One of our 4 year old neighbor kids started to cry because she did not want to sit with her class. She wanted to sit with me. I was happy to oblige. About half way through the practice the primary presidency asked if I would sit with the sunbeams. One of their teachers is in Australia. I think I may have been to distracting sitting with Cambree next to Devin. Cambree stood up on my lap while singing so she was close to 6 feet tall. She also sat on my shoulders when she was suppose to be sitting down. Either way I was happy to go to the sunbeams. They have no concept of being reverent and I think that is awesome. After going through the program once and only being half way through the 2 hour practice. I took the sunbeams outside. We went running around the church looking for secret doors to go through. I knew they were all locked but the kids had a great time finding all the doors. I had a great time with the kids and they did an excellent job in the program. They got up and sang when they needed to and actually behaved pretty good. We did have one boy who half way through the program decided to leave. I cut him off and asked where he was going. He told me “I am too shy. I need to sit down.” I was excited to tell him he was not to shy and he had already sang 3 songs. He brightened up and ran back to his place.
I am also substituting as a primary teacher for the 10 year old class. Today was a lesson on the Lord’s law of health. We talked about Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. How they were taken prisoner and told to eat bad food. The day before I had made pumpkin pie so I had good food for the kids. I also brought in “wine”, grape soda. Obviously these were the bad foods to eat. I also brought in carrots and fresh homemade rolls. The kids loved all the food and we had a great time eating in class. About midway through the lesson we were talking about alcohol and how it is bad for you. One of the girls interrupted and told me how much she loved bread especially the smell of fresh bread. I then told the girls what it was when you cook bread that makes that wonderful smell, alcohol. They then got offended that I put alcohol in the bread. I then explained what yeast does and was hoping to move on. One girl was almost in tears she declared she would never eat bread again. I told her it would be alright to eat bread. She was concerned she could get drunk from eating bread. She asked what would happen if she filled the room with bread and then ate all the bread. I promptly told her she would get very fat. Everyone laughed. She later asked if it was only the smell that had alcohol. I did tell her yes even tough that is not completely true. I think she will be fine eating bread. Maybe I should give her parents a heads up just in case.
We hope that your week will be as fun filled as our was. Hopefully your kids will not have a poor primary teacher like me who makes them afraid of eating bread.

We love you all

Saturday, November 13, 2010

any ideas?

I'd love to talk more and tell more about adoption. I don't know what to write about though. Any ideas? Anything you guys want to know or what to talk about?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Jared's feelings on adoption

Devin has has asked me to write my feelings on adoption. It all started late on a Friday night, you know how it is when you are dating. I told Devin good night and then she dropped the bomb shell. Devin told me she could not have children. I really did not know what to do so I hung out for another 15 minutes and went home. I called my parents and they did not know what to say either. They handled it much the way I did they made a few quick jokes and we moved on. Luckily for me I had a brother close by and we looked up why Devin could not have kids. We walked around and talked and that helped but it did not tell me what to do. This type of information is potentially life changing. I had always thought I would raise a family with my wife in the traditional fashion. I did not want to give up and what I thought was important, but I also knew that we could adopt. I just did not know what to think. Lucky for me that weekend was general conference and I remember one of the people talking about a couple who did not have any kids. He pointed out the strength they provided for the people around them and they had many opportunities to serve the Lord in ways couples with children could not. At this point I realized that having children is important but not the most important. We can move forward and help and serve and be fulfilled without children if that is what it came to. My parents called the next Monday and apologized for their reaction and had a big long list of scriptures and other things to help me. I am grateful for the support my parents have given over the years. Since that time I have always felt comfortable with adoption being the way we will grow our family. We spent our whole marriage looking forward to adoption and bringing in other people to our family, not just the children but also the birth families. I feel like I have an advantage with my feelings about adoption than most people. I had an opportunity early on to walk away and I chose to stay with Devin and walk this path with her. I was able to drop all my burden early on and move my life forward. Even though Devin has always know she could not have children she feels like this was placed on her but for me it is something I chose. That may not seem like a lot but that distinction had made an incredible difference. I sometimes get a little frustrated with the process of adoption but I have never doubted that adoption is what we are going to do. I love to be with family and we love having company over for meals. We love adoption we have several friends and co-workers who have been touched by adoption and we look forward to adopting when the time comes.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Weekly update from Jared

Due to the contest I'm late in getting this out. Our family should have received this in their e-mail too. Love you all!!

Devin’s aunt Gretchen came and stayed with us this week. She came to visit Granddad and Grandma Hurst. She was not really here to hang with us and so we did not see her much. She did confess to something I got a good laugh at though. One of the first nights she was here she was in the other room and heard Devin and I raising our voices. I heard through the grapevine Gretchen thought we where fighting, and she thought it had to do with her visit. I guess she was relived to find out we where laughing and having a great time. We always love to have company over and visit. We will always try and keep our rare arguments away from you. I will say that more times than not we will have raised voices especially if they are laughing in good fun.
In case anyone forgot I am the Scout Master in my ward. This week we were working on the citizenship in the community merit badge. This gave me an opportunity to sit down and think about myself and what it means to be a good citizen in the community. It does not matter what you do but the most important thing is to be involved in your community. That can be doing simple things like removing water from your neighbor’s driveway. I know this sounds weird especially to all those in our family who live in warm climates, but it really is a problem here in UT especially in the winter. It could also mean going and doing service cleaning trails in your local park. Just taking the time to talk to you neighbors even makes a big difference. I would like to give a special thank you to my brothers Tyler and Josh for their service in the military. Because of their service not only to their community but to their nation Devin and I went and voted on Tuesday. I am very grateful for the opportunity to be in this country and vote for the people who will represent me in government. This is a special duty we all have and I am happy to do so.

Saturday Devin and I watched our neighbor’s kids while they went out on a date. They have 5 kids ranging in age from 4-13. The 4 year old wanted to build a fort, so we went upstairs and pulled the mattresses off of all the twin beds and built a fun little fort. That quickly got boring and I got an idea. Does a mattress fit in the hall. I grabbed on of the mattresses and tried it out. Not only did the mattress fit. the mattress barely fit. That is an excellent thing especially if you want to do something crazy like line the stairwell with mattresses. We had 2 mattresses going down and one mattress as a landing pad. I am pretty sure none of the kids wanted to crash on the tile. Since the mattresses barely fit they did not slide much when coming down the stairs. Everyone had fun fighting their way up the stairs while someone else came down. This went on for a very long time. To bad for all you people in TX who do not have a good stairwell you will just have to come up here and visit to join in all the fun.
Devin has been reminding me that this month is National Adoption Month. I am a little disappointed at the level of national recognition. Last month every where you looked there where signs to remind everyone about breast cancer. I know that it is easier to get men behind the cause of not letting a good breast go to waste, but that does not make our cause less interesting. OK I will admit for the men it is probably a lot less interesting. Devin and I just want to say thanks to everyone who has kept us in your prayers as we have gone through the adoption process. As a quick update Devin and I are still waiting to hear anything from LDS family services. We have not had much luck. We are still licensed foster parents but Devin’s school is preventing us from taking children full time. They are excited for Devin to finish school because having a nurse will allow them to send kids with special needs to our home. We enjoy having any kids over and playing with them. We look forward to building our family. We love you all and hope you have an interesting and fun week.


We have a winner!

Congratulations Jeni and Bart! I will be in touch about specifics. Many, many thanks to all those who were nominated, those who voted, and a special thanks to Jessalynn for providing this fabulous prize.

Sunday, November 7, 2010


So... I guess only one of you know someone who could use this great photo shoot give away. WELL! Guess what? I happen to know several. So here's what I'm going to do... I will have four nominees (one of which was nominated by an outside source! not telling which couple ;0) thank you to the person who nominated them- you know who you are!) So read the 4 following paragraphs telling about them... and vote! The voting poll is on the side, at the top. I will have it open until Tues. at midnight. I'll announce the winner on Wed. PLEASE, PLEASE VOTE!! This is an awesome opportunity to help a family get FREE photos! The 4 nominees are:

Autumn and Nate

Anybody who knows Nate and Autumn knows how amazing this couple is. They work hard to serve all those around them, putting their need before their own. They are excellent parents to their two kids. The whole family is very intelligent and giving.

Jeni and Bart

They are an incredible family of 5! Bart and Jeni are one of the most service oriented people around. They do everything in their power to live by the Spirit and do what is right. They are definitely great examples to all around them.

Mollie and Elliot

What a fabulous couple this is! They were just blessed with twins after some fertility struggles. They are so fun, outgoing, and love to have fun. You can't help but smile and absolutely love this sweet couple.

Wendy and Shane

What isn't good to say about this cute couple? Whenever they're around you can just tell the love they have for each other and others around them. They have definitely had their struggles, but have always maintained a positive attitude. It is wonderful what Shane and Wendy are accomplishing with their family.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Slide

So... I wasn't planning on doing a posting until I announced the nominees of the photo shoot... BUT I just had to post this. Tonight we were asked to watch our friend's kids. Jared, being the creative and fun man he is had a brilliant idea. We called it the stair slide. We all had a fun time. This includes Buddy. It was funny to watch Buddy ran out of steam before the kids! Enjoy the pictures and videos!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Photo Shoot GIVEAWAY!

Jessalynn Speight, who recently took our pictures, asked if I'd be willing to host a photography giveaway! HECK YA!! This will be fun. So here's what you have to do to get a free photography shoot:

Think of a family (yes, couples without kids are a family) who could use this. Whether it's to promote adoption, they just had an extremely hard trial in their life, a family who could use updated photos, etc. OH! The family has to live in Utah or Salt Lake County.

E-mail me (jndpayne@gmail.com) a bit about them, why you nominate them,... whatever you want to tell to help them win. Please include a pic. of them. I will accept entries until Sun.

On Sun. I will post a poll on my blog where people can vote. I will have the poll close on Tues. at midnight. Winner will get the awesome prize!

If you want to see some of Jessalynn's work visit her photography website here.

Good luck to everyone!!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Lullaby For a Birthmom

I saw this on facebook today (Thanks again Jessa!) and totally have to share it. Birth moms are definitely my heroes. So here's too all you amazing birth mom's out there...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Open or Closed adoption?

Today I'd like to talk about how open are we willing to be when we do get placed. To put it simply, we'd like our birth family to have an extended family approach. So the birth mom would be like a very close, favorite aunt.

We want the birth family to be involved. We'd love to have them come to birthday parties, see them for the holidays, etc. We'd love to talk the family on the phone, text, have them look at our blog, send them pictures. We'd even love to have the birth family over for dinner, or just stop in for a visit. We'd love to come visit too, if the birth family wants ... I think you get the picture though.

Overall though, we want the birth family as involved as they want to be. We never want to make our birth family wonder. We don't want to make the child wonder about where they came from. When we do get placed... assuming we get to name the baby... we plan on giving the baby a name from their birth family. So the birth mom's first name, birth dad's first name, a last name... something to help remind the child of their birth family. We'd love to have pictures of the birth family in the child's room and around the house. If the birth family does not feel comfortable with a lot of contact, that's okay for us too. We want to do what's best and comfortable for everyone involved. We hope everyone feels like their family is growing as the adoption progresses.

I hope we were able to convey what we're feeling and want.

Monday, November 1, 2010

National Adoption Month!

Yay for adoption! November, as I just found out, is national adoption month. AWESOME! I'm so excited that they dedicated a month to this amazing event. I don't know that I'll post every day (like some adoption bloggers) but I thought I'd start out by talking a bit more about our adoption story and my feelings on it. If I'm lucky Jared will post his feelings too. I will try to dedicate my postings this month to adoption though... just FYI.

Anyway~ I grew up knowing I'd have to adopt. Let me back track... growing up, as a little kid, I thought I would HAVE to adopt. I don't really want to go into the whole story... you can go to our adoption section if you want the detail on why I grew up thinking this way. Sorry, back on track. So... adoption has always been a fact of life... or so I thought... growing up. During my teenage years my wonderful sisters all started telling me that they would be willing to donate their eggs to me. Yeah... I don't think so. As great of an offer that really is... I think I would struggle knowing that I was biologically the child's aunt. I don't know. We've had several siblings ask us to be the guardians of their kids in an event of both them and their spouse dying... and I'm totally honored to do that. I just think I would struggle raising a kid from birth like that. Hope that makes sense. HOWEVER, my sisters did get my thinking about invetro ... getting an egg donor, or something like that... just never seemed right. There are so many great birth families out there... looking for an adoptive couple to parent their child. Like I've posted before... what a special and sacred experience to be a part of too. I can't remember where exactly I heard this but someone was trying to give their "condolences" to an adoptive mother. This someone said "I'm so sorry you have to adopt". What really touched me was the adoptive mother's response "I'm sorry you can't"! LOVE IT. And obviously, even if you have biological children you can still adopt. It got me thinking about how incredible an opportunity I have in this life to have my family through adoption. It's little things like that, that have really helped me gain a testimony of adoption.

Now, adoption is HARD! and we haven't even been placed yet. The hardest part (so far, and from speaking to other adoptive couples) seems to be the uncertainty. Will I wake up tomorrow to a phone call telling me that I have a kid? Will I be waiting for another couple of years? Will the birth mom decide to parent the child after all? I won't lie... I've shed many, many tears over all this. Like I've said before though... I know without a shadow of a doubt that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, He's aware of us, and loves us. Placement will happen when it's right.