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Thursday, November 11, 2010

Jared's feelings on adoption

Devin has has asked me to write my feelings on adoption. It all started late on a Friday night, you know how it is when you are dating. I told Devin good night and then she dropped the bomb shell. Devin told me she could not have children. I really did not know what to do so I hung out for another 15 minutes and went home. I called my parents and they did not know what to say either. They handled it much the way I did they made a few quick jokes and we moved on. Luckily for me I had a brother close by and we looked up why Devin could not have kids. We walked around and talked and that helped but it did not tell me what to do. This type of information is potentially life changing. I had always thought I would raise a family with my wife in the traditional fashion. I did not want to give up and what I thought was important, but I also knew that we could adopt. I just did not know what to think. Lucky for me that weekend was general conference and I remember one of the people talking about a couple who did not have any kids. He pointed out the strength they provided for the people around them and they had many opportunities to serve the Lord in ways couples with children could not. At this point I realized that having children is important but not the most important. We can move forward and help and serve and be fulfilled without children if that is what it came to. My parents called the next Monday and apologized for their reaction and had a big long list of scriptures and other things to help me. I am grateful for the support my parents have given over the years. Since that time I have always felt comfortable with adoption being the way we will grow our family. We spent our whole marriage looking forward to adoption and bringing in other people to our family, not just the children but also the birth families. I feel like I have an advantage with my feelings about adoption than most people. I had an opportunity early on to walk away and I chose to stay with Devin and walk this path with her. I was able to drop all my burden early on and move my life forward. Even though Devin has always know she could not have children she feels like this was placed on her but for me it is something I chose. That may not seem like a lot but that distinction had made an incredible difference. I sometimes get a little frustrated with the process of adoption but I have never doubted that adoption is what we are going to do. I love to be with family and we love having company over for meals. We love adoption we have several friends and co-workers who have been touched by adoption and we look forward to adopting when the time comes.

4 comments:

mel said...

this was super sweet. bubs, i think you have a keeper

Jeni said...

Jared, you made me cry. I am so grateful that you chose Devin. She has so blessed our family. Love you guys ton!! When it's your turn you will have the most love child in the world!!!

Love,
Jeni

Alli & Davin said...

wonderfully said. just what any potention birthparent would love to hear.

alli
illbelovingyou.blogspot.com

Kathleen said...

Jared-

When I read about why Devin couldn't have children, I wondered how I'd deal with knowing that marrying someone meant that I'd never have my own children. What a tough call to make, I guess that's what love is. Knowing you would have to give that up and then deciding you'd rather give that up than give her up. I wish you guys the best of luck in adopting.