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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Open or Closed adoption?

Today I'd like to talk about how open are we willing to be when we do get placed. To put it simply, we'd like our birth family to have an extended family approach. So the birth mom would be like a very close, favorite aunt.

We want the birth family to be involved. We'd love to have them come to birthday parties, see them for the holidays, etc. We'd love to talk the family on the phone, text, have them look at our blog, send them pictures. We'd even love to have the birth family over for dinner, or just stop in for a visit. We'd love to come visit too, if the birth family wants ... I think you get the picture though.

Overall though, we want the birth family as involved as they want to be. We never want to make our birth family wonder. We don't want to make the child wonder about where they came from. When we do get placed... assuming we get to name the baby... we plan on giving the baby a name from their birth family. So the birth mom's first name, birth dad's first name, a last name... something to help remind the child of their birth family. We'd love to have pictures of the birth family in the child's room and around the house. If the birth family does not feel comfortable with a lot of contact, that's okay for us too. We want to do what's best and comfortable for everyone involved. We hope everyone feels like their family is growing as the adoption progresses.

I hope we were able to convey what we're feeling and want.

1 comment:

DMN said...

It's a HUGE decision. At first I thought I could not have an open through foster care. As we got to know Sam better we felt more comfortable around her. By the time she decided to place Emma I was up for being open. As our relationship has grown I (and Brad) have been more and more open with her. I love sharing with her what Emma is doing and all the cute little things she does. She has truly become a friend. BUT at the same time, her family has been un-supportive of her decision to relinquish on Emma. She said they freaked out when she told them about Payson, that's why she is now telling them she isn't even pregnant. Plus, Em's biological grandma has e-mailed me lies to get between me and Sam in attempt to ruin Payson's placement.

Love how you feel about this! Trust me, if your birth mom is anything like Sam, they will LOVE how you feel. Sam was thrilled that we wanted open. and the name thing, LOVE that too! ;) We really struggled with Emma's middle name then we thought of Samantha after her birth mom and it was so perfect! We're not doing anything after Payson's birth family though.
Sorry for the novel!!!! I just love talking about adoption!!! :)