Warning: this is a long post! Grab the chips, soda, and get comfy on the couch!
As of today I have 4 weeks left of school! Truthfully, I am so full of mixed emotions, I don't know where to begin. I am so excited, nervous, confused, and anxious! Mostly, I'm feeling out of steam and like I have no more "fight" left in me. I think part of it is because as of right now I'm not officially passing a class (I am getting a 76% test average and I have to get a 78% average to pass). In order to pass this class I have to really work hard. Normally I'm all about hard work but, like I said, I don't know that I have it in me to fight for school. Fight for my family, adoption, church, ... anything else... I'll fight. No question, no second thought, I'm there to the end!!! School... not so much. I'm not wanting to fight any more. School has been the hardest thing EVER! for me. I've never enjoyed school. I know hard work is part of life, but I have NEVER felt this emotionally drained before. My amazing husband and incredible mother have been life savers in getting me through these last 2 1/2 yrs. Anyway~ Jared said something to me this morning that really hit me. I know it's something my mom has told me before but... what do mothers know ;o) totally just kidding!! My mom is one of the smartest ladies I know. I don't know, it just seemed to really hit today. What was said is that making it through these last 4 weeks will depend largely on my attitude. Grr! So, in order to change my attitude, try to get my fight back... I have decided that each week... starting today... until I graduate I will write a posting on what nursing school has taught me and the great experience it has been.
SO!! Lesson #1 nursing school has taught me that I really can achieve and do hard things. There have been numerous times that I have wanted to quit, felt like couldn't do it, and just wanted to drop out. I can't tell you how many tears I've shed, the numerous times Jared and my mom have had to comfort me, and the incredible amount of encouragement I've gotten from ALL of our family (yes, both sides). I understand now what the pioneers mean when they talked about angels pushing their handcarts when they thought they couldn't go on any longer. There were so many times that I would say or think... if I could just get through this next test. If I could get through clinical. If I could get through this semester. Miraculously I have made it to that point and beyond!
Which brings me to... I definitely could not end this posting, have gotten through nursing school, or do ANYTHING I do if it weren't for Heavenly Father! He has carried me through life so much that I know I couldn't do a half of a percent of what I do if it weren't for Him. His guidance, His love, and His atonement.